Give Us A Reason
by James O'Regan
Does it drive you nuts? Do you see just quite enough of them on the old B-tube? Do you think it's likley any other major market in the world would stand for it for a minute? I'm talking about the two morons who're hawking everything you could ever want from Shoppers Drug Mart - you know the LA-LA couple: married on screen, married in real life - oooooo, [BERNIE] "Quick, let's get 'em for Canada - we'll be enthralled by the cuteness of it all." Well, go figure. Oh Shopper's, oh Shopper's, psst, we're not fuzzy bunnies out here. You want us to shop chez toi, give us a reason.
This makes it the second time the bright lights at Shoppers have foisted Yankee Imperial Hollywood Star Status on us - 'member Bea Arthur - rumour has it she wasted our time for those several years because she needed the vast amount of cash thrown her way and out of the country, and she figured nobody who really mattered- - read Hollywod execs - would ever see the crap she did, and wasn't her work inspiring, didn't it make you want to run out and hurl your wallet at Shoppers - take my house please, I will go into debt for you.
And the new Bernie and Bernice they have now, does it matter what their names are, we just recognize them, that's all that matters - look closely, they're bored out of their minds - but very well paid to be bored, and since no-one knows if LALA is going to run more than another season - cause it sucks - who can blame them for hopping on the profusely offered gravy train - more cash out of the country.
Shoppers has really done it with this American campaign - you can tell on the faces of the poor Yankee shmos they've got to hook for them - we have here the epitome of prostituting yer art - our heros really aren't interested in Shopper's or their product or in us - but I suspect grateful for the cash, did I mention more money out of the country? - look deeply next time and ask yourself, are they happy with what they're doing - wait - what was that furtive glance off camera? Was that a raised eyebrow husband to wife? Are they really that incredibly bored? - they must be, 'cause we are - if I had copy to read as bad as they have, I'd be off to the confessional every hour on account of the underbreath cursing.
It's really too bad - the store probably has the odd good deal - but pharmacies are like beer - they all taste the same. I don't shop there because I don't support using non-Canadians to hawk merchandise to us without a real good reason. And I don't support mediocrity - life's just too damn short. Anybody got an aspirin?
From Moncton, NB, this is James O'Regan.